The End

I am coming home. In three days I will be landing in Vegas- home for Christmas. This may be one of the most bittersweet seasons of my life. I can't wait to see my family and friends and to spend Christmas at home. I am looking forward to a lot of things that I have missed in the last four months- things like being able to text my friends, drive my car while listening to music, order a Dr. Pepper with ice, talk with people face to face and not on skype and not spend hours in transit every day. Oh, also looking forward to being able to understand 99% of the people around me as opposed to the .001% I can understand now. I have so many stories, memories and things I have learned in the last four months to share with those that are closest to me. So much that I fear I will never be able to share it all, and that people will grow weary of listening to me long before I am done telling all that has happened.

And yet. My heart is heavy. Living here feels right- more so than I ever thought it would. For the first time in my life I am completely OK if the Lord wants to send me overseas long term. I have seen the commitment it takes to learn a language to reach the lost and to understand a culture enough to become a part of it and not just a visitor. I have been a part of work that is bigger than me and is a holy ambition. I have seen people who have devoted themselves and their families to the work of the Lord despite all the hardship that it brings. And for the first time, the task seems doable. It is also impossible... yet, that is what makes it so wonderful. Is that it is impossible without the Lord.

The Lord has shown me how to walk in victory and joy in another culture despite spiritual warfare and hardship.

Many times over the last four months people have seen the "glamor" of my life overseas. In fact, many of my friends will not ever understand the challenges that living in another country brings. I have not done an accurate job properly depicting how hard it can be- nor do I think that I could ever do that. Living in a place not your home is HARD. There is no way to get around that. Nothing is easy, everything is challenging. It takes people years of labor and investment in a country to begin to make it their home- and even then there are challenges. Years to begin to break down barriers and build solid relationships. Willing to give up convinces and comforts for the sake of the Gospel- this is what the Father has been teaching me.

There have been long and dreadful days here. Days in which I wanted to pack my bags and jump on a plane, never looking back. But these days have been overcome by days of joy, laughter and worship. Joy that comes from sharing my faith with those who have never heard. In the last year, the times that I have been most fulfilled have always come after talking about my Jesus with someone. There is nothing that gives me greater pleasure. Having the opportunity to speak truth is this dark land has brought greater fulfillment than I ever expected.

Funny how joy follows obedience.

A piece of my heart will always be here, in this lost country. In the friendships I have made and the people the Lord has allowed me to invest in and that have invested in me. I pray to never lose this passion for fulfilling the Great Commission. My time here was well spent, even after many days of questioning the reason why I was here. All my expectations of this semester were met in ways that I didn't even know were possible. The Lord has shown me His love for the nations and that He is at work in the hearts of those He is drawing to Himself. He allowed me the privilege of playing a small role in His work.

I am forever changed because of my time overseas.

The question now is "So, what?" What does this mean for me as I come home? What do I want it to mean? What does God want it to mean? How will living in Central Asia for 128 days impact my everyday life and my future plans? Not making significant life changes or allowing the changes God has made in me during this time impact my every day life may mean that this time was wasted. So, what does it mean?

There are so many emotions swirling through my head. Especially this week as Anna and I go through a time of debrief with other students here in the city. I am so thankful for the chance to think about my time here and the impact that it has had on my life. The Lord is so good to me, and I am so undeserving of His goodness and grace. I am blessed to have lived in this city.

America, here I come!