Restless

"And my soul is getting restless for the place where I belong." -Phil Wickham

This line of the song Heaven Song sums up my life. Restless. Longing. Waiting.

I feel so much as if my time here is done, yet I know it is not because I am still here. He still has more for me to do here. But yet, this does not change my desire to be where I belong, which in my heart of hearts I know is not here. It is drawing to a close. Las Vegas will always be my home. My first home at least. Most likely the home where my family will always be. A place that I can come back to and be safe. I am so tired of being safe. Of being stuck in a rut. Restless certainly does sum up what I feel right now.

In this current state that I am in I have found myself becoming complacent, and I must gaurd myself against that. Have you ever been so scared of something yet wanted it so bad at the same time that your fear really didn't matter? Not a day goes by, somedays not even an hour, when I think about what the future holds. I can almost tatse it. "I will go! Send me!" Just tell me when, where. Yet, I wait. Knowing no answers. Moving not one step closer.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11