Wretched

Tomorrow is my last full day in the city. I have been running non-stop since I got here. But God is good and sites are filling up! Even with our amplified M-Fuge camper numbers this year! In fact tonight as I was working on some scheduling I started to wonder if we would even have enough space to help with all the need we have. This was certainly not the place I was in just a couple weeks ago. Prayers are being answered, and He is faithful!

Today I had a rather interesting experience. One of the sites we will be working with this year is a food pantry in downtown Santa Fe. Outside the building there were a lot of families coming in and out having just received their box of staple food items that will help get them through the week. After taking a couple pictures of the building I grabbed my laptop case full of paperwork and walked inside this teeny building the houses way too much food for that little amount of space.

As I pushed open the door, almost knocking someone over in the process, I glanced around their lobby and quickly noticed that everyone in the building had stopped and was starring at me. Everyone. The man working the front counter kinda paused as I walked in, almost as if he was wondering if I was there for food. He quickly recovered and tried to hand me a number to sit and wait to be helped. I hurriedly told him, "No, I have an appointment to speak to someone about volunteering." He nodded, smiled and quickly connected the fact that I was the "camp lady" before taking me back to my appointment.

So, what's the big deal? I would be lying to say that I didn't feel almost a sense of embarrassment and pride in those fleeting seconds before the man recognized me not as a recipient of help but rather as an organizer of help. Couldn't he see that I was not possibly there for food? That someone like me couldn't possibly need help at a food pantry!

I am not one of them.

Them? Them?! Who is them!? I am. We are. The person reading this blog is them. I, my family, my friends could easily become "them". A group of people I classify as different than me, maybe even lower than me, because of their position in life. In those moments at the food pantry I came to the dirty realization that the message I preach I don't always practice. I use to direct a food pantry for heaven's sake! I currently serve as a missions director. And still, I classify. Without even meaning too. It is so inbred in me.

There is no separation! By the grace of God my family has a home. We have food to eat and I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING. In my entire life.

I am no better than the people this morning at the food pantry.

How do I relate to people who have burdens so big to bear? Teenage moms wondering how they will feed their babies. Homeless teens looking for their next meal. Middle class families who are one paycheck away from losing their homes. Senior citizens who don't have anyone to care for them. Moms and children standing in line at a food bank hoping to get enough food to make due. Teens who feel their only way to keep off the streets is a life of drugs and violence.

JESUS! Show me how to love these people!! Cast aside my sinful, ugly, hateful judgement. Fill me with an unexplainable love for those who need love the most. I don't want to lie to myself anymore that I am better than that. Forgive me of my wretchedness. Teach me to be your hands and feet.